Software Vault: The Diamond Collection

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Text File | 1995-01-30 | 33KB | 636 lines

╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ╠═════════════════════We proudly(?) present:════════════════════╣ ║ Thawt provokin clawses two alow you're brian ║ ║ to gro in interllectual stimuluseses. ║ ║ (or in layman's terms) ║ ║ Things to make you say,¿¿¿what??? ║ ╚════════════╦══════════════════════════════════╦═══╥/2M;(god damn ascII)*~║ Sponsored by: ║ ║@WRGB Spanky's House Of Cheese!║ ║ ~~--__DÆ√ the MεGÆß¥τΣ__--~~ ║ ║ H.O.R.S.E (what the hell that ║ ║ means, I don't kknnooww?), the ║ ║ ƒlying Chi¢ken Massaçre ║ ╚════════════════Θ-Θ═══════════════╝ [---] *~if you are a Mac or Windows user, forget this joke. 1 Why does a Mobil station stay still? 2 If when someone comes up with an idea, and a lightbulb were to appear over their head; then if a florescent light were to appear, would the idea be more productive with less thought? 3 What the hell is a grape nut? 4 Attention creationists: If god is so smart, why did he make us? 5 In a population of a billion people, if 999,999,999 wear 20 foot metal poles on their backs, who would be hit with lightning first, the guy without a pole? 6 If we all slept more, street sweepers wouldn't have much of a job in New York City, because there would be no more dead business men to wipe off the street. 7 The only thing dogs need to take over the world are opposable toes and lips. And the inability to lick themselves. 8 Ross Perot needs more fiber in his diet. 9 "No officer, I wasn't drinking and driving, you spill too much. "" 10 If pigs could fly, we'd all need stronger umbrellas. 11 How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three, one to screw it in, another to keep his hair from catching on fire, and a third to stop the other two from molesting the nearest twelve year old. 12 How many chickens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Who gives a flying fuck? 13 How come all marriage counselors are single? 14 What is the sound of one lamb crapping? 15 Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. 16 What's another word for thesaurus? 17 Is relief really spelled R - O - L - A - I - D - S? 18 Why is you can always go east or west but if you go way north you go south? 19 How old is Old Milwaukee? 20 Bill's not only the president, he's also a member. 21 New sport! Coed naked, mudwrestling, full contact volleyball, on ice with baseball bats and trap shooting. 22 FAMOUS LAST WORDS:"Ah, what the hell, I mean, I've got two lungs anyway." 23 Hello madam! Would you care to buy some hash brownies to support Boy Scout den 55+1/2?" 24 Sticks and stones may break my bones but a 9mm TEC9 assault pistol, complete with silencer, barrel shroud, and 36-round magazine to the head will kill me. 25 The meaning of life is to question the meaning of life! Duh! 26 Why is there air? To breathe, goddamit! 27 Have you ever stared down a fish? 28 If every student in the US skipped school at approximately the same time, since this country is majority rule, school would be abolished. I hope, i hope, i hope. 29 If a Xerox were to copy itself, would the Xerox copy of the copier copy? 30 Welcome to McDonalds, over 400 billion flops of shit served. 31 If a tree falls in the woods, and no one's around to hear it, what's the sound of one hand clapping? 32 Famous last words: "I drank what?!", Socrates 33 " " " : "Betcha 50 bucks I could hit Mach 1!" 34 " " " : "Don't worry, it's not loaded." 35 " " " : "Huh huh, that would be cool, huh huh!" 36 " " " : "Don't worry, the bridge is safe." 37 " " " : "What's 'Nitrogylcerine' mean?" 38 " " " : "Oy Vey! Lets fly with the PLO!" ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ Hey! I think you dropped your wallet! Quit reading this & pick it up!║ ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝ 39 If the odds of a bomb being on a plane are a million to one, and the odds of having two on the same plane are a million times a million to one, if you want to be safe, carry a bomb. ╔╗ 40 It would be great if Michelle on Full House went crazy and╠╣ killed everyone, except Uncle Joey, cause he was on Out of╠╣ Control. Cut-it-out! ╔══╩╣ 41 Stimulate the economy! Nuke Japan! ╬═╦╦═╬ ╚══╦╣ 42 Famous last words: "Oopps, wrong turn." ╚╝ ╔══╩╣ 43 " " " : "What the hell are all these blue ╠═══╣ things?" ╠═══╣ 44 When a fish commits suicide, does it attach a helium ╠═══╣ balloon to itself? ╚═══╣ 45 If two ostriches fell down a never ending pit and have kids║ after a million years would the ostrich be able to fly out?║ 46 Watch for pits ╔╣ 47 Jury member Bob Roberts of 228 Fifth street, believes that╠╣ John Gotti IS guilty. ╔═╩╣ 48 If you travelled faster than the speed of light and ╠══╣ screamed, would your head a)blow-up b)rip-off c)implode╠══╣ or d)give you Perry Como hallucinations. ` ╠══╣ 49 Would there be an investigation on the use of SPAM as a ╠══╣ chemical weapon during WWI? ╠══╣ 50 Not-so-Famous last words:"The sky is falling {squish}." ╠══╣ 51 " " " " " :"Pass me the salt." ╔═╦═══╬══╣ 52 Was VanGogh insane, or did he just lose a bet? ╠═╬═══╬══╣ 53 My goldfish told me that Elvis is the antichrist. ╠═╬═══╬══╣ 54 The famous lost words to "Louie, Louie" ╠═╬═══╬══╣ Louie, Louie, Oh no ╠═╬═══╬══╣ I know where you live now, hehehehe, i say ╠═╬═══╬══╣ Louie, Louie, Oh no ╚═╩═══╬══╣ Worship me, hehehehe ╠══╣ For I am Satan, your bestest friend. ╠══╣ Take some yak's blood; put it in your hand, i say ╠══╣ (and so on) ╠══╣ 55 Oodles of green noodles make blue poodles jump der ╠══╣ shtruedles. ╚═╦╣ 56 Notsofamouslastwords:"You, sir, are an ambisexual walnut."╠╣ 57 " :"No, i called dibs on the last piece ╠╣ of pizza." ╔═╩╣ 58 " :"You mean you aren't supposed to ╠══╣ drink pickle juice?/" ╠══╣ 59 9 out of 10 serial killers prefer Zip-lock brand to ╠══╣ regular freezer bag brand X. ╠══╣ 60 THe US government should use live chickens as a defense.╠══╣ 61 Time is an estimate. ╠══╣ 62 Would a vaccuum cleaner work in space? ╠══╣ 63 Allegheny salamanders tip cows. ╚═╦╣ 64 notsofamouslastwords:"I am the allmighty Cow Slayer. You ╠╣ must bow before me and kiss my butt." ╠╣ 65 famouslastwords:"Since when do we drink Kool-Aid at these ╠╣ religious retreats?" ╔═╩╣ 66 In an alternate universe, much like our own, humans are ╠══╣ prey for giant earth worms. ╔═══╬══╣ 67 The more PC we get, the more segregated we actually ╠═══╬══╣ become...So support the PI union (local 107). ╠═══╬══╣ 68 Are there Heavenocoptors? ╠═══╬══╣ 69 It would be cool if people had no bones and we just ╠═══╬══╣ sloshed around. ╚═══╬══╣ 70 If cockroaches were bright, we'd be dead. ╠══╣ 71 How come they call a women's prison a penal colony? ╠══╣ 72 If you had a million monkeys jumping on a million ╠══╣ typewriters, you'd have way too much time on your hands.╚═╦╣ 73 The Holy Roman Empire-wasn't holy, wasn't roman, wasn't an╠╣ empire. ╔═╩╣ 74 Just what exactly is "mung", anyway? ╠══╣ 75 I've noticed something; everyone in the NHL either has a╠══╣ beard or he doesn't. ╚═╦╣ 76 The Mets would win more games if they didn't suck so much.╠╣ 77 Queen Elizibeth I never wore any underwear. Ever. ╔═╩╣ 78 Neither does Prince (oh, sorry, i mean ///±¿). ╠══╣ 79 There---is no 79. Sorry. ╠══╣ 80 Stop the insanity! Kill Susan Powter! ╠══╣ 81 Don't people with guitars just suck, anyway? ╠══╣ 82 Ambigulous podiatrists give apple sauce a bad name. ╠══╣ 83 Cream cheese makes a wonderful tooth-paste.╔═══╦═══╦═══╦╩══╣ 84 Do they sell snowblowers in Arizona? ╚═══╩═══╩═══╩═══╝ 85 YES! We have no bananas! 86 Famous last words of General Custer "Ow, UGGGGGGggggghhh!" 87 Look mom, no brain! 88 Has anyone ever found a mind? 89 Could a moon land on a man? 90 Can a cow milk itself? 91 If a tree fell on a man in the woods and killed him, would he scream if no one can hear him? 902 State law requires the numbers: 92-901 to be omitted from lists that have no meaning. 903 Famous last words(of a mime):" !" 904 Have you ever found a peanut in plain M&M? 905 Why does Yoo-Hoo have kelp in it? 906 The meaning of this list. 907 New endangered animals: Female body-builders with breasts. 908 There's a new demand for a new line of religious porno- flics. Yes, now you too can screw along with Christ. 909 Isn't it funny how all the greatest scientists of our time either couldn't walk or had funky hair or both? 910 Light travels one meter in .000000003335640952 seconds, and it takes Regis Philbin 25 minutes to run a mile. 911 Regicide is NOT the murder of Regis Philbin; it's killing a king. 912 Number of lawsuits inspired by this list so far: 248,601.723 913 The word ``the'' is mentioned 537 times in 12085's third magazine, but there were only three references to Lorena Bobbit. What 's the world coming to when proper english is more important than penis severing vixens? 914 Your nose keeps growing when you're dead. I bet Elvis' nose is REALLY big now. 915 Oh wait! He's not dead! He's living in Argentina with Hitler's clones, the Bigfoot, and Roseanne Arnold's biological mother. 916 What's wrong with Paul Bearer's voice on Wrestlemania? 917 If King Missile ever has another album, they should have John Wayne Bobbit sing a rendition of "Detachable Penis". 918 I wanna see Anjulie's Calamity, Calamity Jane, Jane's Addiction, Addiction to Crack, Crack Hounds, Hound Heaven and Heaven Can Wait all get together for one big tour with Barry Manilow and Buster Poindexter. 919 sdrawkcab nettirw si sihT. 920 How come a happy hour can last all night? 921 Does a Canadian Marmoset have an accent, eh? 922 I am stuben, the undertaker of your local 7-11. 923 Lorena Bobbit threw her husbands penis into the parking lot of a 7-11. They really DO have everything! 924 Would somebody tell me, cause I'd loike to know! 930 Bill Murray is writing a variation-on-a-theme type play called "Dust Busters". 931 "Keep your hands, arms and penis inside the car at all times "---Grayhound's new motto" 932 "No, officer, I'm not drunk; just a really bad driver." 932.5"No, ociffer, i'm nyet dlunk." *chuck* 933 Go to hell! (in response)Go to hell! 934 Bet I'm not as think as you drunk i am! 935 Does the devil say, "Go to Heaven?" 936 Can you down-chuck? 937 What exactly IS a sampo? 938 "Let's go surfing now, even Sven's learning how.." "I wish they all could be nor-he-weigan girls..." "If everybody had a spruce-tree, across Finland-way..." -Lyrics from The Beach Boys Go Finnish, or Fjord Fairlane 939 How come the Swedish Chef on the Muppets wasn't neutral? 940 Spunky. 950 Chunky monkey. 960 Good for you, too! 961 Good for you, too? 962 Good, for you too? 963 Good 4 U2? Yeah, I liked Zooropa. 964 I liked the guy who threw the fish on the muppet show. They should've given him a name. Like 'Bernard the fish throwing guy from the Muppet show' or just Raul. 965 I wanted to be a plate spinner, so I had to go to a special school for plate spinning. Artie's School of Plate Spinners, est. 1768. 966 If you get bored, just get a newspaper and a phone book. Look in the obituaries and cross out the people who are dead. 967 Don't like my driving? Tough Titties! 970 The red baron, at first, flew a green plane. 971 Eskimos have more than 60 words for snow, and no word for "Hello". Also, they have 16 words meaning "Get the fuck outta here, bastard!" 972 The greek had 8 words for love. One was "eros", or erotic, one sided love. Another was "Phillipi", or Brotherly Love. Another was "Porsfsegeg", or the love of that little dimple underneath your nose. It's true...............Nyet! 973 No gallinas gordas!-spanish for, No fat chicks! 974 If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? 975 The punchlines to astronaut dirty jokes. "Sure, he was the first to WALK on it, but..." "Huh! It tasted just like tang!" "Should we have done that in zero gravity?" "That was the best spacewalk ever!" "We had trouble getting the satellite out, but..." "Mission control? We're not gonna last 9 months up here... "" 976 Can you call 900 numbers with your one phone call? 'Cause I think I need to talk to my psychic advisor more than my lawyer... 977 Who decided there should be 360 degrees in a circle? Probably the same guy who said there were 365 days in a year, just to piss us off. 978 qwertyuiop. No really. 979 Asdfghjkl! Zxcvbnm. 980 The above list was absolutely meaningless. Now, more of the same. 981 I've always wanted to see one of those guys who wears their pants around their knees fall flat on his face, and have to make himself look cool. 982 We all have strange things, 10 years old, in the back of our refrigerator. Usually, these things have sprouted into an intelligent form of life. So be humane, and donate all of your items past their expiration date to the National Penicillin Association. 983 Does anyone wonder if Webster made words up as he went along? 984 GH'YI-UH:N. Any one of a number of stupid lists written by Horse and Megabyte, gods of Hollis. 985 ex. I was really, really high, and had a bad fever, so I read some stupid ghyiuh. 986 We need a real hobby. 987 I hate it when I see a dog in a little doggy sweater, because no matter how stupid the dog looks, the owner looks even dumber. 988 It's even worse with people who put their kids on a leash. 989 It's like people love their pets more than their kids! 990 Does anyone actually know their social security number? 991 What's the thrill in cow-tipping? 992 If things taste so good coming in, how come they taste so bad once they're out? 993 I hate the CapsLock. It's only there for idiots who think CAPITAL LETTERS ARE COOL. Horse sucks! 994 Never, ever, EVER, sneak up on a cow. 995 I was just minding my own business, when all of a sudden Carl Sagan snuck up on me and said "Billions and Billions", scaring me and I fell off of Mars. 996 I'm gonna envite Salmon Rushdie to my next party, just for some chucks. 997 Who ever needs Quadratic Formulae? Math teachers, that's who! 998 If an egg fell on another egg, which fell on a chicken, which would die first? 999 If you are reading this upside down, no, this is not a satanic message. 92 We got a pardon from the govenor! We can use 91-901! But, one of us has to marry Cuomo's ugly daughter. I say it's Mirage. 93 It would be cool if everyone could speak in ANSI codes, because the deaf could only hear ASCII characters. There would be no color or sparkle-fade. 94 Bungee-jumping cows who adopt chickens that stick cockroaches in pencil-sharpeners on the next Geraldo. 95 We could mess up all the old people just by altering the meaning of nouns and verbs. 96 Hello, juniper tree. You're fondle very kindling today. Have you down's syndrome butthead hedgehog tossing? It was godawful yakspenis. Screaming Family Carport! 97 Ok, ok. I admit it. It's pretty stupid. But at least it doesn't make SENSE! My god! That would make REALLY stupid! 98 Vomit. 99 I am now typing with glovces on. I tghink it's going qprertty good, Don't you. Anyrthing in the sciendcwe and comewdy... 100 I think I just got high on life. Or was it the refried beans? 101 Wow, that curdled milk sure can fuck you up! I saw it on Alien Nation but didn't believe it! I'm having trouble remembering... 102 How come when you just hit random keys to pretend you're typing so someone thinks you're working instead of just playing Doom, you always hit h, j, k and;? 103 104 105 (103-107 DISAPPEARED MYSTERIOUSLY. AN INVESTIGATION IS 106 UNDERWAY. MARILYN MONROE A PRIME SUSPECT.) 107 108 Would a blender work in space? 109 What would a gyroscope do in space? 110 I want to get a tattoo of a butt, with a butt tattoo on it, on my butt. 111 Ancient chinese proverb: "An eagle may soar, but a weasel may never get sucked up by a jet engine." 112 If a munitions train left New York at six o'clock going 200 kph, and collided with a gasoline truck by an oil refinery in Cincinnatti, how many explosions would there be? 113 Disorder in the court! 114 Some day Gallegher will get attacked by crazed and frightened watermellons bearing large hammers, and all I'll be able to say is, "Told you so." 115 How does a chicken dust it's house? 116 Imagine if chickens were tickled by feathers... 117 It's a good thing there's gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay up there...hunters would get pissed. 118 I am Ivan Von Shnoosehowser. I stuff those turkeys before we cook them at Pineview Mortuary. 119 Finger lickin' good...That's what she said, anyway. 120 What the hell did the little boy blue blow? And why??? 121 Roseanne takes a bath and a worldwide drought, at eleven. 122 Duh duh duh, duh nuh duh, duh duh duh, duh nuh duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh...Lyrics from "Beavis and Butthead sing Helmet". 123 Why is it that most minorities now get special rights and privileges but us lefties face ignorant oppression by the pinko, fascist righties every day of our bloody lives? 124 And what about Bob? 125 And this leads us to today's debate on bellybuttons: Innies or Outies: Which gets you more chicks? 126 What about him? 127 If Einstein was considered stupid in school, then I guess There's hope for Mirage. 128 Computer dating's cool; I am now going steady with a hot little 486/50, with a set of 250 meg hard drives. She sure beats the Macs I used to date. 129 Computer Dating is useful; I can now tell just how old a fossil is and what it's of just by punching in its stats. 130 It's a long balled fly in Deep Left Centre. 131 Anyone for some bundt cake and crinkle fries over at McShitwad? 132 What you want is what you get, if you work here. 133 DR DOS is MS DOS' gynecologist. 134 Hackers are only cool when they hack other hackers. Therefore, if every hacker was cool, there wouldn't be a problem anymore. 135 Health care's easy. Just shoot everyone. 136 Thousands of prophets have said the world is going to end in the year 2000, and it's backed up by scientific fact. And I STILL CAN't get any chicks. 137 The academic art of chaotic humour is a science. 138 Chaosology is a science??? Who the hell decided that? 139 Stephen Hawking's books are good, but the movies are better. 140 The eastern European influence in China added what? A) better silverware B) communistic ideals C) a feeling of nationalism D) Bite me! 141 There's a sequel to Michael Jackson's "Bad" called "Even Worse". And there's a sequel to his "Dangerous" too. It's called, "Yet Still Even More Dangerous" 142 Bill's got 'da power! 142 I like japanese cartoon movies, but you'd think with those huge eyes they'd have better sight. 143 People suck! 144 Starting with Bill. 145 Well, i don't know Chaos, but I know what I like. 146 Well, I don't know rap, but I know when something sucks. 147 You can make anything out of plastic nowadays. My glasses- plastic. I got a plastic medal once. Even my wood detailing is plastic. I guess we should have known when they came out with plastic breasts... 148 Is there anything baking soda CAN'T do? 149 I would like to see a remake of To Kill A Mockingbird, with the same exact cast, same dialogue, and still in black and white, because remaking it just the same as it was would add something that wasn't there originally. 150 I think the first CD anyone ever buys is C + C Music Factory's Gonna Make You Sweat. 151 I wanna go to a witch party, for two reasons. One, I like being skyclad. Two, I like dragon's blood in my chex mix. 152 What do they mean, MENTOS is the freshmaker? 153 I really, really hope Spinal Tap goes through rehab, and soon. 154 Choosy perverts choose GIF! 155 Fetch-e la vache! 156 Ce la sonce de la vie! 157 Mo la da loo le LOOOOOOOOOOO, de man ee DOOOOOOO ga la BLOO de BLOO. 158 Famous last words: "Ooh lakalga, SOLO, desta falkagha gaCHEWBACCA lo ti thinkjught JEDIythelooooka hakkwe **URP**" -Jabba the Hut 159 I like to play microgolf...I use my 4 pitch paramecia to hit the ball through the endless green of euglena. Occasionally, I run into an amoeba trap and have to pitch it out with my barricoccha. I just yell, ".0004!" and I'm out. 160 Bring me the wookie! 161 Mr. Data, warp factor nine. 162 Engage. 163 12 gauge. 164 Air guage. 165 Air Guitar. 165 Electric Guitar. 166 Electric Company. 167 GE 168 Brings life. 169 And death. 170 So they say. 171 On tuesday. 1711 When we go to the A&P for coffee. 172 And now for something completely...STUPID! 173 Love triangles are cool...but love trapezoids are better...not to mention love dodecahedrons. 174 What is value of pie to the eighth piece? 175 A funny thing happened to me today. I saw a cow milking a goat. Must've been one of those jungle fever things. 176 Still, what about Bob? 177 Surgeon General's warning: Don't fire a gun in space. 178 Surgeon General's warning: Never go cow pulling. 179 Surgeon General's warning: Never by a used car from a rodent. 180 Surgeon General's warning: Never eat a hamburger around a Hindu. 181 Surgeon General's warning: Never piss on an electric fence. 182 Surgeon General's warning: Smoking could cause a loss in friends. 183 How come women are so disgusted by gay men? Maybe they should team up, you know? I've gotta be careful; talking about this subject could make me spontaneously homophobic. 184 P 185 PE 185 PEN 186 PENI 187 PENIS 188 PENISILLIN. There's nothing wrong with the word penisillin. 189 Would a chafing dish work in space? 190 Tom Swifty: "I guess he's dead," Tom said, pulling out his axe from the man's back. 191 Ya' know, tofu really isn't that good. 192 black n blue n broken bones i lost myself im all alone 193 What's more fun then killing morning news idiots? I donnn *hawk! tui.* nnn't no. 194 A man running in circles is faster than a man running up a hill, naked, through barbed wire, with a stick stuck up his rectum (hell it killed 'um)*, over hot coals whilst being shit on by the elephant he's carrying. 195 The only thing those library sensors pick up is people who had those little tags thrown into their bags...so get rid of 'em! 196 "Hole in my head / looks like i'm dead / i'd rather live / then get shot in my bed."-Famous last words of Trent Reznor 197 How come John Candy, Sam Kinison and John Belushi are all dead but George Burns lives on? 198 I want to send a death threat to the IRA, just to see what they'd do. 199 For Bill Clinton's birthday, I'm gonna send him a alarm clock. And I'm gonna wind it first. 200 Surgeon General's Warning: Toad licking can give you warts on your tongue. 201 Surgeon General's Warning: Nuclear warheads could be hazardous to your health. 202 Surgeon General's Warning: Prolonged exposure of pregnant to Don Knots flicks could result in Fetal Bad Comedy Syndrome. 203 A note from Mad Hacker: Thou shouldest not send death threats to the president via E- Mail, lest you get your ass kicked by the Secret Cervix. 204 I feel sorry for any guy Lorena Bobbit ever goes out with ...He'll need to wear a fucking cup to bed every night. 205 I feel sorry for any girl John Wayne Bobbit ever goes out with, because she'll need to sleep with a Black and Decker Pecker every night. 206 I feel sorry for the Bobbit family dog, for no important reason but that he probably hasn't been fed in days. Except salami. 207 Jesus must not have been a very good carpenter; or else he wouldn't have gone into the less lucrative Savior business. 208 If women REALLY like sensitive men, how come they date jocks while the nerds have to hang around computer stores? 209 If I ever go to a congressional hearing, I'll have to tape it on C-SPAN to see if I can see me. 210 When the apocalypse comes, I bet it will be a hell of a lot better to get a tee time. 211 You know, we all try to justify our purchase of a bad CD by liking at least one song on it. For example, take "Spoonman", by Soundgarden. It's about a man who plays the spoons. 'Nuff said. 212 I think it might be more useful if all the sections of the paper were blank but the front page and the comics, 'cause that's all anyone ever reads, anyway. 213 You should never be allowed to get a black belt if you can't kick a white belt's ass every time. 214 How come a high belt in Tae Kwon Do is nothing compared to a black belt in Isshinryu? 215 I hate people who pretend to type fast, because they are usually really hunt-n-peckers. 216 Don't be sexist; the honies hate that. ┌───┐ 217 Warning: this paper will self destruct in │ 3 │ minutes. or if it comes in contact with urea. └───┘ 218 Lincoln, Lincoln, i've been thinking, artichokes are really stinkin' 219 Beavers would get more respect if they drove around in M1-A1s. 220 A1 steak sauce tastes good with everything...and I really mean EVERYTHING! Boom chikem chickem WHEYYYO bow bow BOW bow. 221 What did Fred and Daphne REALLY do in the Mystery Machine? The world may never know. 222 I think Grampa Smurf was a little TOO affectionate with Casette... 223 The Snorks seemed a little too happy considering they had a penis growing out their forehead that blew bubbles. 224 The End. Fin. Finito. Finito Santiago. Where the HELL in the world in Finito Santiago? Who cares? This fucking thing is over, FINALLY! 225 We lied. Should you print this up, and choose to staple it, only use it in the upper 1/2 inch corner at 30 degrees, 20 minutes, or else we'll firebomb Mirage's bathroom in protest. (____) (ΘΘ) |oo|╔═════════════╦╗ \<>/║COW, NOT DEER║╚═ ^^ ╠═╦═════════╦═╣ ║ ║ ║ ║ The soon to be extinct up-state New York Holstien Please try these excrement boards in the 518 area: The BBS that Should Not Suck So Much 356-2010 Dragon's Lair, with Dirk the Daring 346-1427 Tidal Wake, the boringest bored around 869-uh, um... uh... Mirage's mom (well, she's like a board) 355-0198 The coolest BBS that ever wuz. (mine) 861-8863 Cowland 861-8718 Starring Satan's Little Helper as Horse the flying chicken masacre mr self destruct as Das the Megabyte Don Knotts as himself and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver Producer Frances Chevrolet Copenhagen Director Arnold Schwatzeneggar Best Boy Henry Fialkoff Gaffer Bill Jerome Filmed at the Hollis National Airport Printed on an HP Laser Jet II Written on SYNCerson, a 386/sx 20 with Word Perfect 5.1 We would like to thank: Benny Hill, Monty Python, Chiquitta Bananas, Anarchy, MST3k, Mirage the incandescent (for being the butt of all our jokes, even this one), Jimi Hendrix, walker, the Academy, the union of flying chicken fishing yaksmen, Bloom County, the man that shot the man that shot the man that shot Butt Wheat, 4th period math, Lord Buldeath, Pablo Picasso, Monet, VanGogh (for his wonderful donation; I hear so much better now), leaches, lichens, rubber gloves, the Ramses corporation, for making Bill an only child; Lee Iacocca, George Burns, that guy in the corner with the cigar in his ear and won't stop looking at the pencil sharpener, Falameezar Azizzi Sulmonelaroni, the society of paper mills, the state of New York, the state of New Jersey, the state of confusion, the little man in my pants, the county of romania for making my boots, Zaphod Beeblebrox XVVIIXIX, miracle grow, for helping my chia-pet; asphyxiation, Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon, Dan "Mr. Potatoe Head" Quayle, Jack "Poor Reflexes" Kennedy, Anthony Zepruder's camera, Kathy Ireland (i want to come over and roll in your clover...), Mr. Bua's mom, the author of the grecian epic "Achilles", Trenton Reznor, prophets, The Big One, MENTOS, Beavis & Stimpy, the world's greatest sidekicks; the Maharishi Baba Yaga, Power Wing Batman, with new Eco-action suit; Emu Bartemelo, queen of the volley; our loving family & friends (sheeyah, right), JG (who won't go out with me, but we thank her just the same), Barney, but not his friends; The Star Hustler, Space Ghost and the star patrol, coaxial cable, The US bureau of shadows & reflexions, Wakko Warner, those guys who urinate on the 6th street subway system, the 76 trombones in the big parade, dogs with bad hair cuts, flag burners everywhere, You Make Me Sick I Toss My Cookies Music, NOW (not!), the 110 cornets that paved the way, tofu: nature's perfect fruit; L.L. Bean, chicks with tight asses and long hair, Kilts & Scottish Shit, ltd.; Hustler magazine, Sea World, Aurora; rubber duckies, Liza Minelli, The Rockettes, Alpo cat food, Bob Uecker, The Maytag Man, Hormel Academy of Spamnation, Gone Walkabout Productions, Utopia, Lars, Alka Seltzer, Satan Claus (oops), Holsteins, Jerseys, etc., Groucho, Harpo, Zeppo and Karl Marx; Every Bobbit Ever, Phineas J. Whoopi, The rev. Al Sharpton, bullshit and the Unik Hackers Union, local 128. New versions of this list will be found on this board...so watch out! 7/7/94-->DÆS the MΣgaß¥t≡